Last night, I was desperate. The previous days and nights were rough on me. I’ve been taking my medication, which helps me to fall and stay asleep, but the past few days my sleep would be interrupted by both of my sons and it would be extremely difficult to get myself and the baby back to sleep. It was rough. My mood and temperament would be heavily impacted through the rest of the day by the frustration built up through the night. And last night, I’d had it. I was on the verge of tears, thinking about the possibilities of how the night would go - how early the oldest son would wake up, would the baby wake up in the process, etc. - and I felt the need to pray.
I know for a lot of people, prayer is a daily ritual to which they are fully committed. Some people pray no matter the circumstances, in times of peace and in times of turmoil. But I think a majority of people who pray are more like me in their practice - They pray when they’re desperate. When they’re back is against the wall, cornered and shaking, they call on their God. This is how I felt last night. The thought of repeating another bad day left me feeling defeated before I’d even went to bed, and with my mental health track record, I did not want to keep getting triggered over and over again. So, I prayed. What’s funny is I didn’t even finish the prayer consciously. I started with my family’s prayer that I wrote, but my mind started to wander before I could even get to the ending. But when I tell you, I believe the mere intent behind my prayer straightened some things out, because I had a great start to my day today.
Now don’t get me wrong, my sons did still wake up in the middle of the night, but my reactions to it all were different. And therefore, my son’s reactions were different - the baby didn’t scream as I tried to get him back to sleep, and the big one didn’t cry when I put him in the bed with his dad. This allowed me to get a much better quality of sleep, and I even had some time to myself in the morning while everyone slept a bit longer. Some people say that prayer is more for the person praying than it is for the God they’re praying to, and I think there’s some truth to that. I mean, look at my example. I didn’t even get to actually ask God for a good night’s rest when I went to pray, but it still ended up happening. I believe in an All-Knowing God, so it’d make sense to me that They would know my desire without me needing to formally express it. But why I believe prayer is more for the pray-er is because I don’t think I would have had a great day without making my intent clear to myself first.
“Because I Said So” is a phrase I adopted when creating the merchandise for the Habitual Rituals brand. It is inspired by the Yoruba word “Àse”, which is said to mean “may our prayers become reality” and “may it manifest”. Àse is also the name of one’s personal spiritual power and life force energy. One’s ase is their ability to make things happen. As an African American trying to connect with my traditional roots, I end every prayer with “Àse”. It’s my hope that by doing so, I am stamping my desires with a seal of certainty and charging up my personal power. I know for me, subliminal visualization is something that helps me stay subconsciously connected to my spirituality, despite my conscious limitations. That’s why I created clothing designed with those words, so that I can be constantly reminded of my power. I hope you find your own way of feeding your subconscious with your power - whether with a piece in my shop, or something else entirely.
This isn’t the first time prayer has worked for me at a desperate time, and I know it won’t be the last. But I want to be someone who prays at all times. I know that if I can be intentional everyday with gratitude and purpose, magical things can happen. And it is so. Why?
Because I Said So.
Asé Ó
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