Edit (7/16/2024): I wrote this blog post late 2022 when I first started my business (hence some of the timeframe differences). Since then, I have fallen off track and found myself not working on my business consistently. But I am coming back now, and feel this enthusiasm 10x over. It is my greatest intention to make my past and future selves proud by doing what we have said we've wanted to do for years. It is my greatest intention to serve my community with my gifts and knowledge, and to share as I learn more. It is my greatest intention to be an example for my family to show them that we are allowed to pursue and claim our goals and aspirations. Welcome to my journey, and I'm so thankful you've joined along.
Why is it so hard to do the things we want to do? Well, maybe I’m speaking prematurely for you, but I know for me, it has been really tough to actually start and continue to do the things I aspire to do. As a member of the Neurospicy community, I have struggled a lot with executive functioning. Also, with having some good ol’ Trauma, I’ve had to overcome a looooot of negative self-talk, imposter syndrome, and low self-esteem. And to be honest, I still struggle to overcome them, but now, I’m simply choosing to respond differently.
As the old (read: overused) saying goes, “Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity”. This is something that my father would constantly repeat throughout my adolescence, and it wasn’t until I got to my big age now that I’ve finally decided to listen. I have spent entirely too much time... *ahem* Excuse me. I have used the last 5 years of my adulthood to try and recover and rest from the things I’ve gone through. My choices were driven by the desire to feel good/comfortable/peace as much as possible. And I needed to do that for as long as I did it. But now, it’s time to get up and do the “hard” stuff.
As I’ve typed this, I’ve received so many confirmations that this is the right step to take, and I completely intend to share some of the readers I follow and listen to (#ReadersNeedReadersToo) in the blog posts to come. There are actually a lot of resources I plan to share that have helped me with my mental, emotional, and spiritual health (I am still working on the physical part, but will share what I’m working on). I know that by doing this work, I am moving closer to becoming my Higher Self. And it is my hope that I can help you all do the same.
One thing I am doing to become “1% better" is writing more. I’ve always felt that I can better articulate my thoughts through written word, rather than spoken. So, through this blog, through my journal entries, and creative projects, I will be healing and releasing so much pent up and stagnant emotions and energy. Writing is also my preferred way to do my magic, and Shadow Work. If you’re completely new to Shadow Work, and have no idea how to start, I would recommend my guided journal, 30 Days of Talking to My Shadow. It has a different prompt for each day, and covers 4 themes of the Shadow, including your Fears and your Trust. It not only touches on the deep and heavy stuff, but it also elicits pleasant memories some days. You can get yours on Amazon if you want to snag one while you’re doing your other Holiday shopping.
I have started, and stopped, going after my dreams so many times in my life. I’ve watched people, even some that were close to me, actually achieve my version of success, yet until now it didn’t feel possible for me. If someone were to ask me today, “What makes you think you can do it now?” I would kindly reply with the phrase I hope to instill into your common vocabulary,
“Because I said so.”
Asé.
-Eshani
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